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Some parents know their son has no intention to marry the girl, yet they continue to call her Iyawo waa.
Whenever she turns her back, they go, “marry who? My son can’t marry an Ijebu girl….my son can’t marry an Ondo girl…my son can’t marry omo nna…my son can’t marry awo ajekuta mamuomi…my son can’t marry any girl from Osun…she’s just fooling herself. Let her move forward and look for her own husband.”
She’s not good enough to marry your son, but she’s good enough to be balled by your son for years. She’s good enough to do your laundries, pick up some bills of your younger kids, cook and run errands for you.
Think about it. What if she’s your daughter?
And you guys that fool ladies by feeding them lies of being an ‘Iyawo waa,’ how would you feel if another guy does same to your sister?
Do think about it. What goes round comes round. Don’t forget the law of karma.
Between six months and a year is enough to know if you want to spend the rest of your life with a lady. If the relationship is not going to work, dating or banging her for 10 or 11 years wouldn’t make it work.
The biological clock is ticking for her, while you as a guy, even at the age of 50, can marry an 18-year-old virgin in Africa.
So, instead of wasting her time with that Iyawo waa, trick, allow her to walk. Be a man and tell her you don’t think she’s the missing rib you’ve been searching for.
Yes, she’ll be heartbroken, but broken heart heals. You make take that to the banks.
In fact, I have discovered that after the broken heart mends, you begin to ask yourself, what the heck you saw in him away!
The people, who assist the most in orchestrating this fraud against ladies, are the guy’s friends.
They would call her Iyawo waa, to death, yet they know the real heartthrob of the guy. So cruel!
While the guy is browsing, surfing and downloading into the net of the girl, his real website is kept at the wing.
The most galling part is that whenever he wants to introduce the babe, he introduces her as his ‘Iyawo.’ The babe would grin and simpered like someone that has lost her wits.
My dear sister, don’t be carried away when his friends call your Iyawo waa. To many of them, it’s just a game. It doesn’t mean she guy is going to marry you. It means he’s just balling you for now.
I know a guy, now in America, who introduced at least five matured ladies to his friends and family members as his ‘Iyawo.’
The wicked friends kept calling all the ladies, ‘Iyawo waa.’
The friends knew of course that he was playing games with these ladies. He was balling every one of them. To buttress his deceit, he told every one of them to get pregnant for him. They felt wanted, loved and special.
While he was playing this game, it never crossed his mind that he could be sharing and distributing HIV. How selfish can some guys be?
Naturally, he left all of them heartbroken. It may take long, but the bitter truth will eventually emerge. I don’t like the haunted and despair look in the eyes of a brokenhearted lady.
In Nigeria, when a guy proposes to a lady and she accepts, they are automatically engaged. The newly engaged couple, and members of their families begin to look forward to the great day; the wedding day.
Right from the moment the guy tells his family members that he had proposed and the lady accepted, his family begins to call her, “Iyawo waa.”
Iyawo waa is a Yoruba term, meaning, “our wife.”
Today, every tribe in Nigeria calls the prospective bride “Iyawo waa.”
Today, the term has become so bastardised, to the extent of attracting elements and features of fraud.
Today also, the word no longer has any atom of seriousness attach to it. The guy and lady can ball for ages without serious intention towards each other. But family members will still call her Iyawo waa. When they get tired of balling each other, they go to the cross road, kiss goodbye and sashay to other partners.
An average Nigerian lady, who wishes to be married, would begin to smile like an idiot whenever the guy’s family calls her, “Iyawo waa.”
The term naturally makes her feel wanted, cherished and at home. She thinks she has found a husband. Little does she know that it means nothing these days.
These days, even couples who are not interested in marrying each other, but are balling each other for fun, are addressed by their family and friends as ‘Iyawo waa’ and ‘Oko waa.’ Oko waa means ‘Our husband.’
It’s all well and good if the couple understands that there’s not going to be any tying of the nuptial knot between them.
Many ladies and men are balling each like craze these days without strings attach. There’s that understand between them that they are just sexual partners, never likely ever going to walk down the aisle. They understand what they are doing. Nobody is fooling or deceiving anybody.
But the deceit I detest in the term Iyawo waa, is the false hope, planted in the mind of the lady by the guy’s family members, friends and the guy himself.
These days, couples no longer get betrothed before the lady is called Iyawo waa. They only need to fancy each other, hit the sack and start banging like craze.
By the time they ball each other twice and are seen by people repeatedly, they begin to call the lady Iyawo waa.
I can no longer stomach the fraud in the term Iyawo waa.
It’s now being used to deceive, cheat, hood-wink and fool thousands of lady.
Sometimes, a lady would have gotten used to being called Iyawo waa for eight years by her lover’s family, then the guy would tell her that he wasn’t going to marry her.
Some guys would tell the babe after 10 years of being called Iyawo waa, that she wasn’t their type.
Some guys would tell the babe after 11 years of being called Iyawo waa, that their mummy doesn’t like her. They would tell her that their parents don’t like people from their state or village. They would say their hands are tied; rubbish!
All those years she was being called Iyawo waa, the guy was probably fooling her. Really, how many years does it take to know whether you want to marry a particular girl or not?
He has browsed her net for several years. He has suckled and pressed her boobs to the extent they are almost as flat as pancakes.
Now, he suddenly doesn’t want to marry her.
I don’t even want to talk about the abortions she might have done whenever he tells her, “Darling, we’re not just ready for a baby now. Let’s have our wedding first. I’m not ready for it. We got to plan towards all these. Let’s not rush things.”
The most hurtful part of being called Iyawo waa, is the stupidity of buying things for almost all the guy’s siblings because she believes they are now her siblings too. After all, once they get married, his brothers and sisters become her brothers and sisters.
Naturally, she was always the first to rush to his eldest sister’s home whenever the woman was celebrating something and needed people that would cook, wash and serve guests. She usually works more at such events and probably spends more. She gave all, just because she thought she had found a husband. She did all these because that’s what the traditional African marriage systems demanded.
She’s not just marrying the guy, she’s marrying his family too.
Even though the guy might have told his family members that he wasn’t going to marry her, they still go on fueling her false hope, calling her Iyawo waa.
Some siblings of the guy may get to know where she works. They probably made a habit to go there to visit , making nuisance of themselves. They just want to collect money from her. Those going back to school would still demand money from her. They want to mark birthdays, naming ceremony, they ensure her pocket bleeds.
She doesn’t mind how much she spends because she believes it’s all for good causes.
The height of it is parents of the guy, also deepening this deceit. You’re bad papa and mama.
If you’ve been seeing your son with a lady, especially a matured one for close to six months and counting, as parents, you should ask him his intention towards her.
If he’s not going to marry her, it’s the parents’ duty to urge their son to tell her the truth.
To be continued next week
My name is Esther. I’m presently a corps member. I’m 27. I need a guy, whom I could be able to relate to. A guy who would understand me and my peculiarities. I don’t a player or liar. I don’t want a guy that hits women. I want a guy who would share his innermost secrets with me and I with him.
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My name is Happiness. I’m from Abia State. I’m a trader. I’m in my late 30s. I’m interested in a serious relationship that would lead to marriage.
I don’t want cheats and liars. I’m just sick and tired of men who would propose marriage to hundreds of women at the same time.
To such guys, they’re just playing games, catching fun, at the expenses of the women. That’s not right. There comes a time, a boy becomes a man, leaving childish things behind. I need a man, not a boy!
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My name is Felico. I’m from Delta State. I’m in my forties. I have dated and been heartbroken. I tried to stay off men. But I every-time I get lonely, I know I wasn’t created to be alone. I need a matured, serious and ready to settle down guy.
I don’t want a woman beater. I don’t want a liar. I don’t want a guy who has security complex issue. I just want a down to earth person; honest and real.
If you’re that guy, call me; 07065276676
Dear Juliana Francis,
I just want to draw your attention to the fact that sometimes, love is overrated in most relationships, especially in marriages.
As a guy, I had rather have a good sexual partner as a wife, than marry for love. No matter the love, if a guy and lady are not compatible sexually, love will die.
Let me tell you a true story and leave you to judge for yourself.
I live in Festac with my wife and kids. But I work in Ajah/Lekki area of Lagos. I work with a trucking company. Due to the distance of Ajah/Lekki to Festac and cost of daily transportation fare, my boss allows many of us to sleep over in his home at Ajah.
When it gets to weekend, we all leave for our different homes.
One particular weekend, I stayed over at Ajah. I didn’t want to go home because my wife and kids travelled.
I decided to go to a club close to where we stay at Ajah. The club is a joint where my colleagues and I used to frequent after close of work every day. That day would be the first time I would be going to the club on a weekend.
It was a bustling and hustling place. Ladies are always around, trying to sell themselves for money. The ladies call it, ‘hustling.’
On this fateful day, I walked into the club and the first lady that caught my eyes was Mama Nkechi.
I almost died of shock.
Yes, she’s one of my neighbours at Festac. She was sitting with a guy. They were chatting. Mama Nkechi is a mother of five kids.
I couldn’t believe my eyes. I didn’t try to hide, so she was able to see me clearly. I noticed the shock in her eyes.
Mama Nkechi, even after five kids, was still very beautiful. You wouldn’t believe she had given birth to a single baby, let alone five.
Like some of my friends, used to say, “She still set.”
She sought me out in the club and bought me five bottles of Heineken.
She told me her story. She said that after she got married, she discovered her husband couldn’t satisfy her sexually. Not only was her sexual drive higher than his, he easily gets tired during sex.
He hardly ever makes her to reach orgasm. Even if she comes once, it appeared to be enough for her husband.
While she would be yearning to go for more rounds of sex, her husband would be already tired and within a twinkle of an eye, he would be snoring.
She loves him, but she needed the sex.
She used to come to the club on weekends, whenever her husband goes on business trips. She leaves home to look for guys, any guy, for sex.
She said she wasn’t doing it for money.
Naturally, I knew she couldn’t be doing it for money. She and her husband were financially comfortable. We all knew that in our area at Festac town.
It was clear that Mama Nkechi and her husband didn’t date before they got married. Perhaps, they even dated and she was thinking she would adapt to his sexual drive later, or he might adapt to her sexual drive later.
It didn’t happen.
She probably thought their love would take care of the sex, but it didn’t.
Really, I don’t understand why couples refuse to date and embark on premarital sex before getting hooked for life. Perhaps, premarital sex may even reduce the escalating rates of broken marriages in Nigeria today.
Love is overrated, but sex can never be overrated.
I don’t understand it, but it seems to me that a lot of guys are too much in a hurry these days to browse their wives’ or lovers’ nets.
Yes, in hurry to dive in and swim out. They no longer savour the flavor of the pudding.
They don’t even notice whether the honey is indifferent or not. They are always too quick to thrust pulsating, turgid and over eager one-eyed snakes into an indifferent honey pool.
There are many things we can do in a hurry, but lovemaking should never be one of them!
The pressure of work contributes a lot to this; now coupled with the trying economic situations. The tense and trying situations in Nigeria are enough to kill a guy’s sexual appetite.
Most people have been kicked out of jobs; companies are shutting down. People are being owed salaries and salaries are being slashed.
Too many wahala ojare!
Too much so that the brain can no longer signals the penis to come to an attention.
The economic situation is a trying one to say the least. But in all these, what have you got to fall back on?
Yes, your love!
Yes, in spite of how bad the situation may be, your better-half is always there to share the pains with you. Sometimes, just sharing the troubles, lessens the burdens.
Now, don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying sex is the solution to your problems; neither am I saying you should you start making love and having dozens of babies.
That would be the height of foolishness.
I’m saying a slow lovemaking might very well be the best way to connect with your lover. Rather than run through the routine of sex with him or her, try to make love for a change and savour the experience.
Cherish each other.
When last did you truly made love with your woman? I’m not saying sex, but lovemaking?
These days, what you have is a turgid manhood, thrust into a yet to get wet vagina. Bad! Bad! Bad!
When a guy becomes a monkey in bed, it can affect your marriage. Every lady enjoys making love. Every babe wants to be kissed from the crown of her head, to her forehead, to her eyelashes, to her nose, to her cheeks, to her lips, chin and downward, until the tongue and mouth reach the boobs and narrow down on the nipples.
Many guys these days no longer even pay attention to the boobs. They are in hurry to get to the nectar between her thighs. They forget that you need to get her wet before frolicking through the jungle.
Why are men abandoning the pleasure of boobs these days? Whatever the reason, they got to stop it!
Naturally, some women had rather die than complain to their husbands about the importance of paying homage to the boobs, before attempting to cross over to paradise.
Remember, sexually satisfied partners, is a happy home. You may take that to the banks!
There are a lot of women who enjoy attention being lavished on their boobs, than a candy bar being thrust into them without any ceremony.
These fingers running across the keyboard right now, is one of those women. Yes, I love my boobs to be worshipped. Either that or he doesn’t get to eat the main dish.
Some men don’t care whether they sexually satisfied their partner or not.
But you should care.
Married men are often cursed with this ridiculous idea. They feel because they are married to her, they shouldn’t put effort into trying to satisfy her.
They tell themselves she’s going nowhere. And yet, such idiots spend hours on foreplays with their mistresses.
Na big craze dem worry dem! Dem swear for them!
Take it as point of duty to satisfy your wife in bed today. Ask her if she has attained orgasm or not. If she hadn’t, then you better fucking well try it again!
If your soldier is tired and spent, try your damn tongue. It has been known to the trick several times. You can also try fondling her clitoris with your fingers to make her come. Just don’t be crass enough to bruise her with your impatient fingers.
Don’t be wicked to leave her body yearning for fulfillment after you’ve attained yours!
Millions of ladies are easily turned on by their boobs. Pay attention to the nipples. Worship those nipples. Feel her wet as you lap on them.
Tonight, as you go to her, keep all financial and office worries at bay. Forget about quickly swimming to the shore. Play with her. Let the storm rage around the two of you.
There are several ways to play with a woman’s boobs. I can tell you all about it if you’re interested.
It’s the weakness of most women. They would give anything to have their guys spend time on their boobs. Yes, the clitoris is another engineer room of pleasure, but that’s like diving into the act without preparing the lady properly.
Just because you guys had been married for some time, doesn’t mean you shouldn’t treat her right when it comes to bedmantics.
Every woman loves sex; just like a guy;
So, stop thinking your pleasure supersedes hers. Nay, it doesn’t. The idea is for both of you to enjoy sex. So, make her enjoy it.
Share with us others ways you think a lady could be pleasured…
In Africa, almost half of the relationship is an abusive one; in this part of the world, our custom does not recognise the concept of LOVE.
It sees a relationship between a man and woman as that of Master and Servant. The man is the Master, to oversee everything concerning the relationship, down to what to eat and when to have sex;
The woman is the servant in the relationship; her role is to serve the man however and whenever.
Most times people don’t even realise they are in an abusive relationship. Some don’t even know that there is something called an abusive relationship; they are ignorant of the whole thing.
I have seen a woman horribly battered by her husband; yet she continuously made excuses for him.
She told people that it was because she didn’t cook the evening meal on time; the husband was angry because he didn’t eat lunch at the office. The husband gave her money to prepare the food before leaving for office in the morning.
The food wasn’t ready when he returned. So and on forth; utter rubbish!
Women are mostly affected in this kind of relationship.
Of course, we have some instances where a man is on the receiving end of the abuse.
When we read and watch foreign news, we see where a woman is calling the police because her husband or partner is harassing her; where a woman has a restraining order against her husband or partner, where a woman can go to the police with a black eye or bruised face and the husband would be arrested.
In some cases, the woman can even file a law suit against the said husband or partner.
In Nigeria, some cultures see or consider it a taboo for a woman to report her husband to a third party.
The husband or partner is the head of the house and the woman is under him and therefore, her sole purpose in the relationship is to please him; wherever she’s found lacking, she would be beaten. Yes, beating woman in Nigeria is not a crime.
I have a cousin that is married to a policeman. He does all his ‘physical training’ on my cousin.
I vividly remembered the day I called her. It was still like yesterday. She was crying. He had beaten her again.
I heard the pains and despair in her voice. I felt torn apart. I felt like doing something. I felt impotent anger unfurling inside me. I wanted to box something and cry at the same time.
I managed to ask her what happened.
She was coming from the bathroom. She had towel tied sarong fashion over her wet body.
Her husband met half way across the path and started raining blows on her. Neighbours rescued her and quickly covered her nakedness.
She was rescued from a man that was supposed to Love, Cherish and protects her! I asked her why she didn’t go and report him to his superiors. Her response till date makes me weep.
She said there was a particular day he beat her to the extent that she was bleeding everywhere. Pains engulfed her body. She had busted lip, blackened eyes and bloody nose.
She couldn’t take it anymore. She went to his station to report him.
The man she met at the counter told her to go home and clean herself up, that she should learn how to control her mouth, that even the way she was reporting the matter showed she was a troublesome wife.
God! This means that the policeman she met at the counter was also a wife beater! Why should such men be in the Nigerian Police Force?
How do you expect them to take cases of domestic violence serious?
There are cases where a wife is battered and she runs home to her parents, they would send her back to her husband’s house.
They tell her that she should go and do what would make her husband happy. According to such parents, it’s only after she had learnt how to make her husband happy, that he wouldn’t beat her again.
Can you imagine that coming from parents?
To worsen the matter, some women think it’s because their husbands or partners love them so much that, that they hit them.
They smile through swollen lips and blackened eyes, saying, “He’s just too jealous.”
Does that excuse his trying to kill his woman?
You even hear some advising some other women that “it is because of the love he has for you that is why he is the way he is.
I never see that kind Love oooo! Love that can maim or blind you?
A man can cheat on his wife or partner and society sees it as normal.
If the same person notices his wife being friendly with a man with nothing personal, he beats the hell out of her and they justify it by saying it was because of the love they have for her.
The instances are just too many.
My colleague in the office made a funny statement that almost made me slapped him.
He said: “At times, you just need to slap sense into your wife.”
Meaning his wife’s senses left her or were about to leave her so he had to slap it back in. Nonsense!
There are several nongovernmental organisations available in Nigeria today that now fights for battered and abused women. The Lagos State Government is backing them.
If you don’t take a step today to and report him, he may very well kill you tomorrow.
If you’re staying put in the abusive relationship because of your kids, remember that you’re not useful to them dead. Think about it.
Are there any other areas of abusive relationships you want to discuss or share?
Share with Faith Edile, 07065276676
I see cracks in the relationship and no lasting cement to keep it together. True, they have a baby, but the baby is not doing the trick.
How they were able to stomach each other to the extent balling to produce a baby beats my imagination. I also understand the marriage was an arranged one. A topic we need to discuss on this forum.
The guy looks for any reason to keep away from home and the wife doesn’t give a crap whether he comes home or not.
Anytime she bothers to call him on phone, she’s calling to complain, insult, quarrel, demand or tell him that her parents want to see him pronto. The marriage is less than four years.
They are both marking time, waiting to split. The girl’s parents are obviously running the marriage.
If there’s any chance to rescue that relationship, the answer lies with the guy and his wife.
Many guys lack backbones. They are men only as the word goes. In Africa, to be a man, symbolizes being in charge.
It’s not just about having two lines-men and a referee dangling between the thighs.
A real guy must be decisive, in control of his home and marriage.
If you have an interfering in-laws, try and be in control of your home and marriage.
You got to know when to say no to your in-laws; when to tell them to kiss your God given black arse.
If you give your in-laws respect, they must give it back to you. The way you lay your bed, so you’ll lie on it.
Even if they are as rich as Croesus, there comes a time you have to let them know that you’re in charge of your home and marriage.
You got to let them know that they are interfering with your home.
Some of these in-laws are so bored and frustrated with idleness. They have retired and need to beat time and boredom. What better ways to do that than to start calling their daughters, trying to find out what is going on in their marriages.
Some parents start giving tips that tip the marriage dangerously. Two men can’t possibly be the same. The tip may have worked with your husband; it doesn’t mean it would work with the next guy.
The same thing goes for marriages where parents of the guy are always finding fault with the wife.
The solution also lies in the hands of the guy. If you treat your wife as a queen, your family will get the message and treat her same.
Whatever happens in your marriage, don’t be quick to go running to mummy and daddy.
There are some guys who are mummy’s boy. They are tied to their mother’s apron string. I feel sorry for ladies who get married to such men.
They can’t take a decisive decision without mummy. In fact, with such men, mummy always ends up picking out their wives for them. If he was ever bold enough to pick a wife himself, mummy will find fault with the wife.
‘Mummy’s boy’ are terrible husbands. Their conversations are always spiced with ‘mummy said this, mummy said that.’
May God save every lady from falling in love with ‘mummy’s boy.’
The truth about such men is that no matter how tall and handsome they are; how rich and husky they appear, underneath, they are just over grown babies.
Yes, forever waiting for ‘mummy’ to wipe their running noses.
What else do you think a son-in-law can do to take charge?